Of Mice and Men

Mice are predictable and very much creatures of routine. That is why they have not really contributed much to world history apart from keeping knife wielding farmers wives busy, maintaining the lifestyle and income of Walt Disney and keeping men in a useful role in the house. The behaviour of mice also makes them quite easy to catch. For the following true story I have changed names and locations in order to disguise the fact.that it took place in my own house.
Mr Thompson was watching his Sony televison in his living room in Borrow Lane when something caught his eye just below the grate of the fireplace. A brief shadow, a smudge on the pale reconstituted stonework of the hearth. Then nothing. His attention returned to the broadcast briefly but something darted over the trailing  aerial cable and disappeared under the pine unit on which sat the television. A sharp tap on the side of the furniture caused the small mouse to retreat to the fireplace along the same route. During the course of the evening the mouse was persistent in reaching the dark space under the unit only to be startled back to the sanctuary of the fireplace, twice. Mr Thompson, satisfied that he had sufficiently terrorised the mouse into relocating to the quieter next door house, retired to bed. The next morning the attraction of the TV unit to the mouse was discovered. Somehow, over the Christmas period a small wrapped chocolate had become detached from the 'Past Times Scenes of Olde Yuletide' gift pack from a family friend. Whether actually 90% cocoa or not this foodsource had proven to be a huge temptation to the mouse, causing a twitching and longing which outweighed the natural timidity of the species. Mr Thompson thought he might have some sport and amusement at the mouse's expense and carefully tore open the corner of the chocolate tablet before returning it to the pine void. The evening was disappointing in the Thompson household with no sign of a demented chocolate addicted rodent. The following evening they went out. It was evident that the mouse had exploited the fact that the house was empty as there were small incisor marks, upon examination, through another corner of the packet with a mulch of wrapper and foil and a small tongue mark on the chocolate itself. Not enough of a taste to assuage the obsession. The mouse would certainly return. In readiness Mr Thompson searched high and low for the spring loaded trap but it was corroded and a bit stained from lending it to a neighbour with a bigger infestation problem or perception of such. A bait trap purchased from the hardware store was more of a long term measure and was discounted. The humane trap, operating on a pivot basis to shut the opening, was nowhere to be found. A bit of initiative was required but made so much easier by the predictable actions of the resident mouse. During the evening the equipment was readied. In the commercial break between the first half of Coronation Street the mouse made a dash for the chocolate and took refuge under the pine unit. Mr Thompson crept up to the chimney breast between the hearth and TV and opened up a black polythene bin bag. The rubble grade bag could be formed into a funnel without recourse to sellotape or duct tape tags to the decor and the bottom section flattened out to form a ramp. There was a small clear section of carpet between the mouth of the bag and the plinth of the base unit. Standing back, Mr Thompson took a 7 iron golf club and inserted it between the pine unit and the far side external wall. With a sharp tap the startled mouse ran out onto the clear carpet but faced with the black hole of the bag immediately backtracked to its hide. A minute passed and another strike with the club and the mouse, weighing up its options, decided that the unknown in the bag was preferable to the cacophony of the noise. Mr Thompson showed great agility in darting across the room and lifting up the bag with the small furry object unable to prevent a slip-slide to the bottom seam. With fist gripping the bag the neck was taped up tightly and with golf club in hand Mr Thompson strode out of the house, jumped into his car and drove off.
The journey to the town of Beverley was uneventful for man and mouse. The former was very pleased with the capture, the latter had never been in a motor vehicle before and was puzzled by the motion and noise in the darkness. The same metallic sound which had forced the mouse into the trap could be heard amongst the engine hum. Mr Thompson momentarily moved the golf club to stop it oscillating against the door cill. At the top of the most affleunt street in the town on the wide open space of the Common, with bag and club in hand the fate of the mouse was sealed.
It was released to the promise of ample chocolate treats and rich pickings amongst the wealthy households of the town. In celebration of his self professed good deed and secret strike for the oppressed, and in the fading evening light, Mr Thompson dropped his second hand golf ball onto the grass and wacked it in a westerly direction to try to reach the local landmark of the Black Mill in under 14 strokes. Somehow, he was certain that a new personal best was on the cards.