Man for all seasons

I accept that I would make a very interesting Case Study for a psychiatrist but I am not embarrassed or ashamed about my life and times with Action Man. I can recall vividly, at the age of 7,  the excitement of opening up a Christmas present, an elongated box containing my first poseable figure. 1970 was a great time to start a relationship with Action Man, times of pre-political correctness of warmongering or gender specific toys for children and with a fantastic range of militaristic and aggressive outfits. Having forgotten the misery of the actual tournament in Mexico in the summer I was thrilled with an England World Cup kit consisting of trackie top with football transfer (easily rubbed off), shorts, shirt with plastic Three Lions motif, white knee length socks, smelly plastic boots and a very brittle ball. Action man could, with obvious assistance from me, scissor kick, volley, back-heel, dive full length for a scoring header and imitate the stars of the day. I understand that the current version is able to mouth obscenities, simulate diving, clutch goolies in a defensive manner and simultaneously fight in a night club and read a Bentley brochure. The footie kit was mainly leisure and casual wear and for more formal events I had the full Lifeguard Cavalry outfit including shiny breastplate and another brittle piece of plastic as a full sword and scabbard.The horse however was out of my range and was the closest I got was but a snotty nose mark on the toy shop window.  The most impressive outfit was the deep sea diver with authentic dry suit, lead boots (pre-Alzheimer prominence), and helmet with an air line so that Action Man could also enjoy bath time albeit in 6 inches of bubble bath murky water. I was devastated when ,after a family trip out in my dad's VW camper van, I could not find my toy and convinced that he had fallen out on Newmarket Heath I resigned myself to a prolonged period of mourning. A suitable time to establish a memorial to the unknown soldier, football player and deep sea hero. It must have been some considerable months later that, exploring the deep cushions in the VW I found my friend. A bit rheumatic to his awkward pin joints, his cheek scar a bit paler and his short cropped hair a bit mildewy but no doubt no worse off for the sorry experience. In due course the Action Man moved on to the big toy box in the attic but my younger brothers were later able to fulfill his ambition of being a commander in charge of a scorpion  tank and at long last, riding that horse in what remained of his proud cavalry uniform. In modern times the standard figure has been treated with disdain and dumbed down. What was the point of giving him 'eagle eyes' or gripping hands and the current range, already dressed in vacuum moulded clothes takes away all form of imagination and dressing up potential. I said goodbye to Action Man one summer holiday in Cornwall. My boys toy was a product endorsed kite with a parachute clad figure who shot up the twine and released just below the top to float slowly down in fully deployed canopy. This worked  well for much of the vacation until a freak wind sent the baling out figure high up onto the cliif face. I could not retrieve Action Man and I like to think that to this day he has established a network of tunnels and observation points to consolidate the coastal defence of this country and to get a good glimpse of Barbie and friends sunbathing topless on the beach. Action Man in name and by nature.